Sunday, October 10, 2010

I'm not a morning person. That much has been true since I was about twelve. To be perfectly honest I have yet to find an activity that begins with me being awakened by a roaring alarm clock to be any better than the ability to preform said action when better rested. and still every single job I have ever held has required me to awake well before a time life was ever meant to exist. the following are just a few examples of moments I have found myself in attempting to function in the impossibility of the early morning.

At one point in my life , working as an RA, I was awakened at two in the morning to the "flight of the bumble-bee" ring tone that had been selected for the emergency number of my hall. having been asleep for barely an hour and a half, I was not in the best of moods. upon answering the phone I was informed that a cadre of individuals had been caught smoking weed in the building where we lived, and now I was required to leave the sublime comfort of my own bed for the active lifestyle of speaking to the police, about criminal activities. for the next three and a half hours of work, I would be standing in a three foot wide hall way listening to a young individual to high to function trying to talk his way out of being arrested. The true difficulty in this situation was not in the fact that I had to be awake, but that I had to listen to this insolent fop stretch the boundaries of his clearly limited imagination in a vain attempt to keep himself out of hand cuffs. perhaps most ironic in this situation, if he had simply come clean and admitted to what was painfully obvious to the rest of us, we would have been able to skip the whole process, and only would have been on scene for about half an hour. As it was, three hours after I was so rudely thrust into the rather aptly named "morning" (as I was morning my massive loss of sleep) I was still standing at the front desk of the hall filling out paperwork. I hate mornings for a reason.

Another moment that always happens in the mornings is a much darker realization. Though a morning may be the beginning to a new day, it will always bear evidence of the previous night. For the past three years I have driven to work the morning after high school graduation. standing as a mute testament to the activities of the past night are several car wrecks, holding proof that some students would not be enjoying the fullness of life. these are mornings where I not only regret the fact that I will be among the first to rise, but also among the first to realize that in the course of the day many people might die, and yet there is still very little that can be done to prevent that.

And for one more lasting fact that I am not at all a morning person, I leave you with the fact that no matter what condition you find your self in when entering into slumber at the end of the night, you will find yourself in a far worse one the following morning. If you go to bed drunk, you will wake up with a hangover. If you go to bed looking good, you will wake up looking bad. If you fall asleep at a frat party, you will wake up the following morning covered in sharpie marks. there is no good way to greet the true horror which is morning, but every morning I wake up and find myself once again facing that particular demon.


  1. I totally agree with you. Mornings suck. I can especially relate to the last paragraph about waking up in a much different condition that I went to bed in, although in some cases it is a good thing. For instance: going to bed dead tired, waking up refreshed. :)

  2. your writing is fun to read. Your voice is strong and slightly whimsical. Your subject matter is always interesting, surprising and hilarious.

  3. Wow. This makes me glad I am not a frat boy. Nonetheless, you do have a witty charm about you that makes for good reading!