Sunday, December 5, 2010

F@#& me moments

there are moments in life that no matter how clean cut and proper you are, the thought F@#& ME! will always creep into the human mind. I don't mean a moment that you really hate what is going on with life, you realize that you have to run back to the office, or that your car now has a flat, or even that you just stubbed you toe one the single hardest surface in you house. no, these do not qualify as F@#& ME! moments.
A F@#& ME! moment is a moment in which everything has gone so far past the point of recover ability. things have gotten so bad that nothing in this world will ever be the same if things keep going the way they are. these are moments that you realize that your life is about to change in a manner that no one and nothing is ever going to help you recover this moment. in my life there have been only four true F@#& ME! moments.
The first of these moments was when traveling around Berners Bay just north of Juneau standing in the bow of an air boat. we first hit a sharp turn, and then went straight towards a very steep back on the side of the river. the F@#& me moment in this case came when the boat ran headlong into, and furthermore up the bank. The instant we struck the bank, my father and I went sent straight back towards the very rapidly moving blades of the aircraft engine. clearly we did not go headfirst through the whirling death that awaited us, but still, this was a moment that literally screamed for the phrase F@#& ME!
the next of these moments would come when I was in high-school as I came to believe that I actually could compete for wrestling. this thought pattern led me to an awkward position, namely one where a three hundred pound wrestling coach was using me for a demonstrational aid while pressing my face into three inches further into the floor than one would usually find possible. among the cracking ribs, and tearing muscles my body was screaming for me to stop the illusion and go back to a none contact sport.
Later still in life I would find myself a working man, driving a piece of crap machine down a treacherous trail, when the smallest corner of the machines awkwardly shaped bed caught the side of a tree and flipped me sideways to the natural passage of the trail. in addition, the sudden change in direction made the machine stand up on its rear tracks while catapulting me several feet over the already impressive height of the machine I was on. while completely airborne, and watching the ground churning below me under the tracks of the wild machine, I did indulge myself in the loud statement of "F@#& Me!". this was by and large the most frightening of the many F@#& ME! moments to roll down the line.
The last of these F@#& ME! moments was far less physically dangerous, but still involved me suffering a lasting moment of deepest F@#& ME! feeling's. I received an email from I ex, demanding that I explain things long settled in the past, simply for the fact that she has not yet been able to prove that I am more responsible than her for the way the relationship ended.
These are the few and unforgettable F@#& ME! moments of my life. they might not seem like much, but they are far and above among the most memorable things to have ever happened to me.

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